So you’re thinking about starting a blog or may have already started one. You’re excited, passionate, and motivated. You start telling your friends and family about it and you get a bunch of, “Oh, what’s that?” or “Maybe you should focus on your day job” and even, “Yeah that’s not going to last long for you”. I’ve heard all of these plus more!
I recently had a reader email me about how I deal with haters and what I do to not let them affect me. I think this is a very important topic. So I figured why not make a blog post about this subject since I know it’s something every blogger will go through. Not only that, I think every person on earth will experience some sort of negativity in their lives.
Unfortunately, one of the downsides to making positive changes or trying something new in our lives is the people around us sometimes get negative. It happens with people starting new fitness routines or with people who want to start a new business or a blog, or basically anything that’s going to change people for the better.
As they say, “Haters gonna hate”, and people are going to hate!
But not to worry! In this blog post, I am going to give you 5 tips on how to put haters in their place when they start barking!
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1. Ignore them.
I know ignoring may be hard to do sometimes. And no matter how good you are at ignoring mean comments or haters, sometimes there is always that one comment that slips through the cracks and gets you. However, when people start hating, shake it off, and do your best to ignore it.
Being ignored is one of the most powerful negative reinforcers and is often enough to get people to immediately change their behaviours.
If you are one on one with someone who’s hating, just ignore them and let that awkward silence sit. If you are in a group, then just go right on talking to someone who isn’t hating.
If you’re getting hate on your blog, then delete their comments and act as if they were never there in the first place.
Listen, you must remember that you hold the power and that you are in control. Haters are always looking for some kind of reaction and if you ignore it, they are more likely to drop it.
Something else I do that creates a lot of awkwardness for my hater is I stop and stare at them when they decide to start being negative.
I create this long awkward stare until it makes them uncomfortable! It’s quite entertaining. I’ve done this every time I had someone ask me a stupid question like, “So when are you going to start focusing more on your actual job?” or, “So that blogging thing you’re doing, are you really bored or do you just have too much time on your hands?”
These comments have been said to me and I responded with either ignoring them or if I was in a playful mood, I would bust out my long-ass awkward stare!
And let me tell you, it’s always hilarious to see their faces! I often left my haters confused and feeling stupid for asking such a ridiculous question.
Try it next time a wild hater appears, it’s so much fun!
2. Take it as a compliment.
When haters are being passive-aggressive towards you, act as if they are being genuine and take it as a compliment. For example, if a hater says, “nice website” or “nice outfit you’re wearing” in a mocking sarcastic tone, just respond saying, “Thanks, I’m glad you liked it” with a lot of positivity and charisma.
This will leave your hater confused and it will actually force them to say what they mean or to back down completely.
You can tell when someone is being passive-aggressive towards you. You will be able to pick up on their snarky comments and negative vibe.
The trick is not to let it get to you and to respond to it positively and gracefully.
Haters are always looking for a reaction. They want to get under your skin and irritate you because it makes them feel good. Often, a hater is someone who envies you for having something they want.
It could be because you have more courage than them, you are braver, you are more adventurous, you have a blog, you are starting to work out, etc.
Whatever the case may be, some people will be negative if you are trying to do something good for yourself because they can’t do it themselves.
People’s inability to reach their own highest potential often brings out resentment and jealousy towards other people who do reach their potential.
Misery loves company. People who can’t do something for themselves will want you to not do anything for yourself either. A lot of the hate we experience are from people close to us who don’t want us to change.
They are invested in the old versions of us that we outgrew a long time ago, even if it comes at the expense of our happiness and growth.
They become comfortable with how you used to be and because of the benefits that you came with.
Don’t let that stop you from learning, growing, and trying new things!
Every person is on their own journey and they learn through trial and error in their own experiences. So it’s not your problem if someone doesn’t want to put in the work to reach their greatest version.
Keep your efforts high for yourself and keep moving forward. Protect your mental health and your energy by not letting the words or actions of others affect you.
3. Develop thick skin.
The best defense to speech you don’t like about yourself is to develop thick skin.
You can’t stop people from saying nasty things about you. You will be misunderstood by somebody no matter what. If you are doing anything interesting in the world, you’re going to have critics.
People don’t like change and they will criticize you for changing. However, change is the only constant in this world and It’s ok to change for the better and for yourself.
But how exactly do you thicken your skin?
Just like having confidence, thickening your skin is something you need to practice daily. Telling yourself, “I need to act tough” or “I need to have thick skin” isn’t going to help you.
Here is how I go about doing it..
I believe you don’t thicken your skin by doing some big mighty thing. Instead, it’s a matter of identity and believing in yourself that you are the kind of person who, when fear of judgment comes, sticks through it and holds on to your beliefs no matter what.
Thickening your skin comes from doing the micro, little, everyday things that make you nervous.
The best habit I think you can develop is to be courageous enough that every time you recognize you aren’t doing something because of how you may be judge by somebody, to still go out and do that thing.
As soon as you feel that discomfort, you have to go out and take that action. Like starting a blog, or actually getting up and doing your first workout.
Whatever gives you anxiety from thinking about it, is a good indicator of the action that needs to be taken so you can become better.
You need to inoculate yourself against the judgment of other people.
Learn to not give a f*ck about what others say or think about you.
Focus on conquering the nitty-gritty everyday things that make you feel afraid. Once you master the small things, you will be able to master the big things are well.
If you do the thing that you were afraid of, then what it does is it starts to build the identity for yourself in your mind that, “ When I get faced with a difficult situation, I’m the kind of person who leans into it and conquers it”.
Say to yourself, “I am the kind of person who is not going to be impacted by somebody’s opinion for me.”
Your self-worth is in no way tied to what others think about you.
All you need to care about is what you think about you. The biggest person that you need to convince is yourself.
Everybody is going to say something about your blog or your life regardless.
Learn to inoculate yourself and develop that thicker skin.
4. Change your mindset.
If you want to become a successful entrepreneur, then you need a way to handle the hate you’ll receive. You will need to turn the criticism, envy, and jealousy into fuel that you can use to your advantage. The best way to turn the negative into the positive is to change your mindset about hate.
Learn how to turn it into constructive criticism and help yourself get to a higher level.
Here’s what I mean.
Ultimately, hatred loses its power when you see it for what it is. When you don’t add any emotion to hatred, it begins to work in your favor.
You can pick apart the comments and see if there is anything in that comment that can help you. Keep what can help you succeed further and disregard everything else that doesn’t serve you.
For example, if you received a hate comment saying, “ Your blog posts suck”, then simply discard the comment not only physically but mentally as well. Then send good vibes to the commenter’s way because OBVIOUSLY, they need it.
If you get a comment saying, “Your blog posts are very short and you should post more often.”
Then take that comment and turn it into constructive criticism and use it to become a better blogger. Take into consideration that maybe you should post more often and your posts should be longer.
Learn to change your mindset and start to see how sometimes “hate” comments can give you a chance for growth and improvement.
5. Focus on the positive and find a like-minded community.
When things start to get a bit out of hand in my head, I focus on the positive. It’s important to keep your mind on the things that ARE going for you.
Hate is inevitable, but how you handle it and deal with it is ultimately what will determine your success and how happy you will be.
It’s important to recognize your courage for starting something that is going to make you better, whether that’s, starting a blog, working out, making more time for yourself, etc.
Having gratitude will help you stay positive and on the right track. Be grateful for what you have accomplished and how far you’ve come.
Another great tip is to find a community. A lot of the hate that we experience often comes from the people who are close to us who don’t want us to change.
So to limit the impact of the hate you receive, find a group that is into what you’re into. Find other bloggers by doing a simple Google search and look for your specific niche bloggers.
Find others who are looking to lose weight by doing a group search on Facebook and so on.
There is a group for almost everything!
You’ve started your process of becoming better, so don’t stop now just because you got a few haters. My grandfather used to say, “If you have haters, then you are doing something right!”
It’s true! Continue to learn, do new things, invest more time in yourself, evolve into the person you’ve always wanted to be, and let your success in your life be the big, “F*ck you!” to your haters! 😉
How do you deal with haters? What other tips do you have? Let me know in the comments below!